He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
