Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
