He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
