I could have mohawked her pubes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
