Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
