Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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