oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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