We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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