this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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