We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
