FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
