meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
