I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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