I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
