You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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