If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
