I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
