is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
