At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
