i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
