I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
