you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
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