Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
