It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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