I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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