she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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