Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
