dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
