I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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