The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
