If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
