In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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