Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
