I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
