every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
