dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
