I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
