White coat. Heels.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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