Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
