i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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