it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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