It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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