My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
