What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What drink are we having for lunch?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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