too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
