this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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