Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
