they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
