whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
