glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
