It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
